The Czars ignitor went out in his furnace last night around midnight. So he went to the basement, confirmed the furnace was working but not producing heat, and at exactly 12:31am called the emergency 24-hour help line that was on the sticker affixed to the furnace.
Thank you for calling the 24-hour emergency help line. Our office hours are 8am to 5pm Central. Our office is now closed. Please leave a detailed message….
We blame Obamas Marxist Progressivism.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.