Did the Czar expect the Saints to win? No, he figured on the Colts.

Was the Czar surprised by the result? No, because once again—right at halftime, when Roger Daltrey realized he could no longer sing and Pete Townshend suspected that he was singing in a totally different key—GorT stepped out of the room.

And then stepped back in, covered in day-old beer and sausage grease, announcing that the Saints would win. He also had those goofy New Orleans beads around his neck, and lipstick smeared across the side of his head.

And when the Saints owner was presented with the Lombardi trophy, and announced to the world that New Orleans was finally back, the Czar smugly thought, “Good; maybe now they can shut up about how the world still owes them for Katrina.” Which he really did not mean. But he certainly thought.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.