Illinois Primary Watch
Tuesday is a primary day in Illinois.
Two races that are drawing enormous attention are for governor and for US senator. The Czar lives in Illinois when not at the Castle, and is presenting your choices. The Mandarin is welcome to do so as well if his opinions differ from the Czar.
| For Governor | ||
 | Pat Quinn (D-inc) | Pat was Lieutenant Governor when Rocking Rod Blagojevich was fired by overwhelming demand; this made Pat Quinn the acting governor until November 2010 when he can run for the position genuinely. The incumbent made a lot of noise (a lot) when Rod was governor, openly demanding for the knucklehead to step down. He also assured Illinoians that he would undo the ridiculous executive orders introduced by Rod, balance the highly red budget, and make the world safe again. Well, he got his wish: Rod got kicked off the job and the locks were wisely changed. However, to everyone’s chagrin, Governor Pat has done astonishingly little, has barely lifted a finger to undo Rod’s gross damages, and wrings his hands over the budget. Evidently, popping in a strip mall ribbon cuttings and speaking to kids about what lieutenant governor does was a lot easier than being governor governor. Polls are mixed right now, and while he enjoys some celebrity as the guy who helped take down Blago, he stands a real chance of losing the primary. |
 | Dan Hynes (D) | What could be better than to run against your best friend, Pat Quinn? Dan Hynes learned that politics has no friends, and had his ass handed to him during their first debate. Dan then got very ugly, calling Pat an incompetent fool, and even managed to find ancient video of Chicago’s late mayor Harold Washington blatantly ruing the day he hired a tool like Quinn, and wishing Quinn would go away. Since than, Dan has soared up in the polls, but has done very little to establish what he would do as governor. Many voters see him as a clone of Pat: nice enough, but ineffectual in an executive job. |
 | Adam Andrzejewski (R) | Boy, the Czar likes this guy. Young, fresh, vibrant, and cheerful, Adam is barely known except for the fact his name wackier than Blagojevich’s. Fortunately, this has been working in his favor. Angie-eff-sky has focused his advertising on both his tough name but tougher attitude. His campaign is also a rarity in that independent researchers conclude that among the others, his math actually checks out! His plans to cut taxes, get out of business’s way on job creation, and eliminating nonsense state entitlement programs appears to genuinely check out financially. The Czar is voting for Adam. He just luvs this guy and his message of practical, simple, conservative reform. |
 | Bill Brady (R) | Bill is one of those also-rans who was defeated by candidates who were in turn defeated. He has returned for this election promising basically what he promised before. If forced to name the candidates, the average Illinois resident would not include him. In fact, the Czar forgot he was even running until researching this post. Shoot, even his online photo is faded by the sun and water damaged. |
 | Kirk Dillard (R) | State Senator Kirk is a front-runner in the primaries. A pro-reform candidate and advocate of more transparent government, he suffers from a vocal and blatant endorsement of Barack Obama in 2008, and potentially RINO tendencies. He has not effectively responded to these charges. |
 | Andy McKenna (R) | There is one in every election, and this race has Andy. Former chairman of the Illinois GOP, he has the doom-voiced narrator pointing out how terrible and awful all the other candidates, never once offering his plan, vision, or identity for Illinois. On the one hand, this makes him an empty suit to many voters; on the other, he has been linked to now-incarcerated former Governor George Ryan, and is or was associated with many unpopular GOP politicians when the Illinois GOP self-destructed under his watch. Blagojevich can thank McKenna for six wonderfully corrupt years. His intense negative campaigning (and absent positive campaigning) ought to see him defeated in the primaries. |
 | Dan Proft (R) | Dan Proft is also running for governor. Whoever the heck he is. But sadly, those that do know him care little for him: he was involved in some questionable contract dealings as a media consultant with the corrupt and decadent once-mob-run town of Cicero, Illinois. He has answered some of these criticisms quite well; he has failed to address all of the questions regarding his involvement for almost $600,000 in Cicero contracts. The Czar distrusts media consultants as politicians, since these guy know how to play the media to cover lots of badness up. Check out the just-got-home-from-a-rave look in the photo. |
 | Jim Ryan (R) | George Ryan was governor, and running against Blagojevich, when the former was arrested on corruption charges. Jim Ryan, who is absolutely no relation to George, thought it a great idea to take his place. Unfortunately, studies showed that nearly all GOP voters thought he was George, and this allowed Blago a massive victory. Ryan, at the time, was a sound, solid politician who probably might have made a good governor. Unfortunately, since that time, he has been positively associated with famous racketeer Tony Rezko for campaign financing. The Ryan-Rezko partnership is defunct, but its taint is killing Ryan in the polls. However, he is likely to win the primary. |
| For Senator | ||
 | Alexi Giannoulias (D) | Current Illinois State Treasurer, he was elected as a good-looking popular guy super-cozy with Obama. However, as Obama’s star has faded, Alexi has dropped in popularity a bit. His family bank has been positively linked to questionable financial dealings (involving Tony Rezko and other highly worrisome names), and auditors recently attacked the bank and required massive paybacks to customers. The general feeling is that the treasurer comes from a banking family either corrupt or incompetent or both. He will be playing the Obama card heavily. Tragically, his campaign is relying heavily on the success of his Operation Bright Start (a college savings program) that has come under fire for losing a tremendous amount of money for its participants on obviously foolish investments. The tragedy of course is that his opponents are using the same ads to portray him (probably correctly) as a financial idiot too hung up on his good looks to realize it. |
 | David Hoffman (D) | David is the Inspector General for the City of Chicago. Kind of a nice story: he got so tired of investigating Illinois government corruption that he decided to run for office himself and fix it. A lot of good politicians start out this way. He genuinely seems to be an honest politician that is goal-oriented to help Illinois residents; he is also far behind Alexi in the polls. Why? He’s not Obama’s friend, like Alexi is. In fact, he might put a lot of those friends behind bars. Good luck, David! |
 | Cheryle Jackson (D) | Cheryle is the president and CEO of the Chicago Urban League. Popular with black Chicago voters (and having a slew of endorsements from black urban leaders), she used to work for Blagojevich as deputy chief of staff of communications; however, horrified by what she saw in his stay, she resigned early in his administration and became an outspoken critic of his governorship. Unfortunately, she is also trailing far behind Alexi in the polls, despite handling herself strongly and aggressively in debates against him. Frankly, for all the jazz about Alexi, Ms. Jackson has him beat by a mile in the looks department. |
 | Mark Kirk (R) | Leading by a mile is Mark, a current US Representative. He has taken significant flack for voting with Democrats on some major issues, notably cap and trade—the latter requiring him to make a full confession that he did not read the bill and really had no idea what it was; he voted in favor of it merely because he saw so many yes votes. He has since pledged to do his job properly, and the facts are now bearing that out. Is he a RINO? A lot of people suspect he is, but like Scott Brown in Massachusetts, he is a better option than Alexi. He is casually mentioning his service record in his campaigning, but the fact is he is a very distinguished officer in the armed forces who saw an ungodly amount of combat as a pilot. The Czar will be voting for him, and he is expected to win the primary by a landslide. |
 | Andy Martin (?) | It is difficult to write about Andy Martin and have readers take you seriously. Andy has run for several offices over the years and never gets elected. Not surprisingly: his platform consists of him promising to throw the Jews out of government as well as claiming his opponent, Mark Kirk, as a de facto pedophile. No, he does not mean it—he claims Mark failed to be more outspoken when Foley was arrested for having sex with a male page. But he says it (every fifteen goddamn minutes on the radio) because you cannot be sued for making things up about a political candidate. Anyway, his campaign is so hilariously bad that radio stations offer apologies for playing his ads, and the Illinois Republican Party has requested he no longer claim himself a member of that party (which he defiantly continues to do). Andy is an ugly, sick, offensive wretch of a politician who will, one hopes, finally find another state to live in after this. |
Stay tuned: keep in mind Illinois is a state that could very easily swing Republican in November!
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.