The Czar scans some headlines.

Report of NCTC Chief’s Ski Trip Disputed. So Obama’s director of the National Counter-Terrorism Center learns of the Eunuch-bomber attack (thanks, JAB!) and proceeds immediately to leave on a ski trip. Any idea how much money those trips cost? You bet he’s gonna go. Besides, the system worked, and the President was on vacation as well. What should he have done? Cancelled his trip to find out what went wrong? Things will still be screwed up on Monday when he gets back. You people act as if somebody died. You’re doing a heckuva job, Mikey!

Two headlines that creepily showed up next to each other on our feed: Obama’s Budget Guy Has Child With Ex-Girlfriend landed right next to DoJ survey: More than one in 10 detained youths say they had unwanted sex. Wow.

Passenger yells ‘kill all the Jews,’ but air rage is declining. Oh, yeah, totally.

Dead Playboy Model’s Text: ‘He’s Trying to Kill Me’. Just a thought: if you’ve got the phone, try dialing 911.

ABC’s ‘Lost’ premiere may be replaced by President’s Obama State of the Union address. Crap, let’s hope anybody notices. We can’t wait for the Lost fan who stares at it and gripes “Heeeeeyyy…. they did this one, already.”

Mongolia Receives First Batch of Swine Flu Vaccines. Got yours yet? Us neither. Good to know a yak herder in a yurt is enjoying better healthcare than we are under Obama’s exemplary model of how it’s all supposed to work.

Childhood Abuse Linked to Migraine. Migraine sufferers show a higher rate of childhood abuse? The Czar suffers from migraines, so no doubt he has yet another reason to sue his parents. And lo, up to now, the Czar was never a victim.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.