Lefties are besides themselves trying to figure out whom to blame for the total failure of Copenhagen. Even the mainstream press is concluding Nothing Got Done.

Some say it was China’s fault. Fools. China never seriously meant to participate at Copenhagen. The whole thing was, for them, a monumental publicity stunt. This is why China announced massive programs to convert to green energy (despite showing no prior interest in doing so and having done exactly nothing in that regard since), insisted on radical and ridiculous cuts in emissions, and yet opposed any such limits for themselves. It was joke, designed to see how much the world economy was willing to cut its own throat to increase Chinese profitability.

Others (particularly pro-environment European bloggers) lay the blame at the United Nations. If only they had let the right amount of NGOs in to present, and if only they had allowed for longer talks instead of an arbitrary deadline, and if only they had treated it with the respect it deserved rather than allow partisan bickering control the flow of the conversation. Wake up, potheads: the UN is a clueless, bankrupt organization that is itself the intrabred spawn of partisan politicking and corruption. Blaming them for the failure of Copenhagen is like blaming the catering hall when the bride announces during the benediction that she just nailed all five groomsmen in the coat check room.

Still, a good many naturally blame the United States, and even President Obama. Why? Because the USA refused to give up its unabashed capitalist interests and comply with 1910-era emission requirements. Yes, things under President Obama are just as bad as they were under Bush! Except now you have our President hopping around the globe like a jackrabbit leaving pellets of apology everywhere. Perhaps it’s America’s fault that the Ghanian delegate had a blemish on his poached salmon fork, too.

Well, forget it. There is one and only one group to blame for Copenhagen, no matter what side you’re on: the Left.

Sure, the Conservatives blame the Left for even having the conference in the first place, spending millions of dollars in high-profile travel, limousines, fancy restaurants, and swanky accommodations yet accomplishing jack. Imagine how many hungry mouths could have been fed this holiday season.

But look at this from the standpoint of the Left. You freaking had it. You had it all: the whole ball of wax. The Big Enchilada. You had hundreds of left-leaning delegates, all willing to suspend their economies and re-invent global business on your terms, in near secrecy, with little to stop or impede you.

The deniers? They weren’t even invited. The Hadley CRU incident? It was largely kept out of the press. America’s GOP? Distracted by a shiny healthcare trainwreck.

You had the whole thing in your hands, and you dropped it.

Instead, dear Lefties, of wondering whom to blame, you can simply look into the mirror and say “We effed it up. The whole thing. We screwed ourselves. We are not as smart nor as clever nor as innocent nor as noble as we pretend to be. We bought our own brand of bullshit, and reality kicked us right in the teeth. For a moment, we had it—and we proved to the world that we can’t handle it.”

You probably won’t get another chance at it, or at best, you won’t get much of one in future. Just like when you wrecked dad’s new car the first time he trusted you and your friends with it. You won’t be given another chance, so you might as well grow up a bit and write it all off as serious wisdom gained. At least you can profit from that.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.