This Morning in the Castle
Somewhere in the distant past, the breakfast committee decided they needed a way to make breakfast sausage more dangerous. Someone in the back nervously coughed, and a tentative hand rose. “Yes?” Another cough. “Well…we could crumble up the sausage into a pork gravy and slather that on some buttermilk biscuits in great heaping clumps.”
A cardiac breakfast.
And thus was biscuits and gravy born. Which the Czar had for breakfast. With a massive side order of grits—thick to perfection, which indeed they poured more pork sausage gravy all over.
Heaven.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.