For those of you who might not be able to tell your Guinea fish from Guinea fowl, the Czar’s report is from the country Guinea, sometimes called Guinea-Conakry to further distinguish it from its neighbor Guinea-Bissau which is that little tiny country at the upper left of the Czar’s map. Guinea-Bissau is, at the moment, a kind of functioning democracy, its strongman João Bernardo “Niño” Vieira (no known relation to Today’s Meredith) having been assassinated in March, probably in retaliation for the bomb that killed the army’s chief of staff, a rival of Niño’s. (Not incidentally, Niño was a Papel—a small minority group—while the army’s dominated by the majority Balanta.)
This was the culmination of his career in which he began as Prime Minister in 1978, spearheaded a military coup in 1980, promulgated a new civilian constitution in 1984, actually won a close (and apparently fair) election in 1994, precipitated a civil war in 1998 by dismissing his chief of staff, lost the war in 1999, fled to Portugal, returned in 2005 two years after another coup, and won another election—running against his old party which had expelled him for treason, war-mongering, etc.—in 2005. In 2007, the military shelled his house and engaged in a big firefight with his guards, but were unable to lay hands on Niño his own self. Perhaps coincidentally, the army’s chief of staff found himself blown to bits on March first of this year, and in a final, tragic coincidence, the next day Niño was brutally beaten and shot dead by the army as he was leaving his house.
Oddly, the Gormogons had nothing to do with any of this, though it’s exactly the kind of thing you’d expect from us.
We wish the current—elected—president, Malam Bacai Sanhá (a Beafada Mandinka), lots of luck in reconstituting the country’s economy, perpetuating democracy, and not getting blown up.
Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu.