And The Light Shineth In The Darkness
Yesterday was the 70th anniversary of the start of World War II. In the early morning hours of September 1, 1939 Nazi Germany (shortly followed by the treacherous Soviets) commenced its blitzkrieg on Poland, which fell within the month. Poland, and particularly its Jews, suffered immeasurably over the next six years of war. Much has been written about the Nazi atrocities in Poland and elsewhere, but nothing could ever adequately convey the absolute inhumanity of Nazism.
Against this backdrop, ‘Puter thought it important to note that even in the evil darkness of Nazi occupied Poland, the bright light of truth and goodness could not be fully extinguished. ‘Puter offers up the example of Father Maximilian Kolbe, a Roman Catholic priest and saint. You should read his full history here and here to more fully understand the inherent goodness and holiness of this (extra)ordinary man. Fr. Kolbe sheltered over 2,000 Jews from the Nazis until he was arrested and sent to the Nazi death camp at Auschwitz. At Auschwitz, Fr. Kolbe offered to switch places with another prisoner who was slated to die in retribution for a prisoner escape. Fr. Kolbe and others were starved for three weeks as punishment for the escape. After three weeks, Fr. Kolbe, the lone survivor, was killed by a Nazi injection of carbolic acid.
Fr. Kolbe is the patron saint of journalists and the pro-life movement. Odd pairing, that. He is also a constant reminder that good always overcomes evil, provided mankind is willing to stand in defense of the good.
** N.B. Like your Gormogons, Fr. Kolbe was also a mortal enemy of the Freemasons.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.