Cambridge Police Profiling Still A Grim Reality for Harvard Faculty A—holes
by Professor John Evans Evans-John
Harvard School of Harvard Faculty A—holes Studies
When I first learned of the arrest of my colleague Professor Henry Louis “Skip” Gates after he stood up to the fascist jackboots of a declasse, ill-educated Cambridge police officer, I was of course angered — but scarcely shocked. L’Affaire Gates simply aired, in public, the dirty 100-thread-count table linen of an American culture where Harvard faculty a—holes still face a daily struggle against profiling, abuse, and insolence.
It will come as no surprise that Skip’s arrest was the talk of the Douchebag Room at the Harvard Faculty Club last Friday. I and a group of colleagues had assembled for our weekly lunch; I opted for their competently-prepared Ahi Tuna Tartare and an amusing glass of ’05 Hospices de Beaune Premier Cru Cuvee Cyrot-Chaudron. I had noticed that the Franz Fanon Memorial Booth — Skip’s long-reserved lunch spot — was uncharacteristically empty, and asked our waiter Sergio for an explanation.
“Professor Skeep, he no is come today,” said Sergio. “I tink he is in the jail.”
Our table exchanged knowing glances, for we knew immediately that Skip was only the latest victim of a system that singles out the Harvard faculty asshole for stigmatization and unequal justice. It is a system that all of us knew too well, and provided an opportunity for an open conversation about our shared experiences as Harvard faculty a—holes in America while waiting for Sergio to bring the dessert cart.
As if I have to tell you read the whole thing.
Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu.