They’re nowhere near as good as Dion and the Belmonts.
‘Puter usually can’t figure out what E.J. Dionne, columnist for the Washington Post, is attempting to say, and today is no exception.
Mr. Dionne opines that President Obama is a foreign policy realist because first the president was chummy with the mullahs, and now the president is switching sides when it appears the revolutionaries may have a shot. See, to Mr. Dionne, this is President Obama acting in America’s long term interest. That is, President Obama must work with the mullahs to get rid of Iran’s nuke program (which until President Obama was elected, did not exist, but is now taken as a liberal article of faith, but no matter). ‘Puter doesn’t understand how selling out people working to overthrow an internally repressive government committed to the destruction of Israel and America works to America’s long term interest, but ‘Puter’s no syndicated columnist. Heck, Mr. Dionne, the protesters are doing America’s work for her. America should get out of their way.
Oh, and Mr. Dionne also says that it is only liberals who “stand for democracy, equality and freedom.” Unlike that clown Bush, who set up arguably the only currently functioning democracy in the Middle East (not counting the Israelis [& the Turks —Œc. Vol.]) by overthrowing another brutally repressive totalitarian government of Islamic flavor.
In short, isn’t President Obama’s foreign policy simply Carter II: Electric Boogaloo? Pick the losing side, then try to make nice with the winners you sold out after the fact? This must be the “complexity” to which Mr. Dionne refers. President Obama apparently understands such complexity, whereas ‘Puter cannot.
If that’s President Obama and Mr. Dionne’s liberal realism in action, ‘Puter’s got no need for them or their “realism.”
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.