The union-led farce taking place at Republic Windows and Doors mentioned below is quickly metastasizing, and may ultimately threaten our ailing financial system. Every Illinois politician is visiting the barricaded workers to convey support and sympathy, along with every news crew in the greater ChicagObamaLand metroplex. Even President Elect Obama himself chimed in in support of the trespassing workers, stating that “they’re absolutely right.”

As mentioned previously, Bank of America cut off Republic’s line of credit when it became apparent Republic would be unable to meet the terms and conditions of its line. This caused Republic to shut its doors, allegedly in violation of WARN, which requires 60 days notice or back pay when a firm of more than 100 employees makes layoffs. The workers are now blaming Bank of America for the shutdown, arguing that Bank of America should make payment to them instead of Republic, as Bank of America allegedly caused the shutdown (and more likely because Bank of America actually has money). And people seem to be buying this logic, including such bright lights of economic theory such as Rep. Gutierrez (D-IL) and Rep. Schakowsky (D-IL). There’s a special place in Hell for politicians who sell America’s long term well-being to improve their reelection prospects.

You want to see the credit crisis go nuclear? Watch what happens when Congress or the incoming Obama administration attempts to force Bank of America to pay funds to workers to satisfy the obligations of insolvent employers to whom Bank of America lends. Banks will pull back so quickly on business credit, it will make your head spin. Banks would be unable to calculate their risk of lending, and prudently would refuse to lend, which would cause more businesses to fail.

As tempting as it must be for our incoming redistributor-in-chief, changing the rules in the middle of the game is suicide. Our financial system relies on the rule of law when it lends out money. If the rule of law changes on the whims of politicians, risk becomes too great, and credit dries up. Just ask Russian businessmen.

If you think that forcing Bank of America to pick up a borrower’s debts just because Bank of America can, ‘Puter knows a place where you can see for yourself the real world impact of such policies. Zimbabwe.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.