‘Puter was going to post on Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s (D-IL) ridiculous statements that (1) Illinois will no longer do business with Bank of America (“BoA”)and (2) BoA must pay former Republic Windows workers for lost wages. Gov. Blagojevich’s twisted logic goes because BoA’s borrower Republic Windows has failed to make the payments, BoA, as a bystanding third party with deep pockets must do so. Or else. (Reminds ‘Puter of Frank Nitti attempting to intimidate Eliot Ness at his family home in The Untouchables, “Nice house. I said, nice house.” Nitti was smoother.) But Powerline beat ‘Puter to the punch.
While ‘Puter was mulling over his post on Gov. Blagojevich’s economic blackmail tactics, Gov. Blagojevich went and got hisself indicted for trying to sell President Elect Obama’s vacant Senate seat. At this moment, ‘Puter realized that Gov. Blagojevich is not merely stupid, he’s criminally stupid. Attempting to strongarm an international banking entity in the press is foolish enough [ed. — it frequently works in ChicagObamaLand]. Trying to sell a United State Senate seat is colossally foolish. The losing bidder is certain to rat you out. Additionally, Gov. Blagojevich was under federal investigation for unrelated improprieties at the time, and he knew it.
On a side note, how many people who ran in the same circles as President Elect Obama are going to have to get indicted before the mainstream press starts doing some real digging?
As ‘Puter’s Scotsman buddy says, “You fly with the crows, you get shot with the crows.” Those Scotsmen have a way with words.
** Gov. Blagojevich’s hair could not be reached for comment.
UPDATE: D’oh! GorT beat ‘Puter to the punch!
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.