Why The Republican Brand Is Dying
Hey, inside the Beltway Republican gurus! Wanna know why rank and file conservatives are starting to run screaming from you and your brand? Try this one on for size.
The (for the time being) Republican controlled New York Senate made a bargain with the devil. In return for Republican senators’ unquestioning obedience to their new union master’s wishes, New York State United Teachers will support the Republican incumbents in their reelection campaigns. This, in effect, means, that the one quarter to one third of the state’s approximately $120 billion budget that is related to education will not be touched in the forthcoming budget pare down.
New York Senate Republicans just had their Judas moment. Enjoy the forty pieces of silver, lads. Your day of reckoning will come.
As a conservative voter, my question for both the state and national Republican parties is why the heck would I vote for any of your candidates when you’ll betray bedrock conservative principles for job security?
‘Puter awaits a reply, but expects none. An about-face would be more appreciated.
*Pictured above is Dean Skelos, Majority Leader of the New York State Senate.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.