‘Puter hates hisself unnecessary, self-serving restrictions on free speech. So ‘Puter especially hates the Democrats’, led by Speaker Pelosi, sudden rediscovery of the Fairness Doctrine.
In twenty words or less, the Fairness Doctrine requires broadcasters on public airwaves to provide equal time to opposing political viewpoints, under penalty of law. So, in theory, if you have a Rush Limbaugh, you’d have to permit a Randi Rhodes to have airtime as well, regardless of the impact on your bottom line. Since the Democrats have consistently failed at producing commercially viable talk radio, they love this Fairness Doctrine.
‘Puter, for one, welcomes the upcoming Obama administration crackdown on free speech. The hypocrisy will make for some great blog fodder.
The triggering event for this post was ‘Puter’s showertime radio listening this morning. Try to get that visual image out of your mind; it’s not pleasant. ‘Puter’s local public radio station is in the middle of its quarterly pledge drive. Nothing wrong with that. While pimping an upcoming NPR piece on whether Fox News is truly fair and balanced, the local on air talent burst into laughter, finding the thought that anyone could consider Fox News fair and balanced preposterous. Even though inured to media bias, ‘Puter nearly dropped his soap, and not in a good way, on hearing such clear proof of the bias. Great idea, public radio management. Alienating a portion of potential donors with your talent’s benighted jackassery is a great business model.
* ‘Puter listens to NPR because the reporting is generally superior to local radio, and ‘Puter can spot and ignore the liberal bias and petty digs the reporters take at conservatives.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.