You’re A Racist If You Vote For McCain
‘Puter intended to write about this editorial in the Wall Street Journal yesterday, but noting all the hullaballoo on the interwebs about the issue, decided not to do so. Thinking about it last night, though, ‘Puter got good and riled up at the notion that he’s being tarred as a racist for considering voting for a mainstream, Republican, war-hero candidate.
Democrats have lost their collective minds, putting out the notion that white people are racist if they choose not to vote for Sen. Obama. You know the website Stuff White People Like? Well, I can tell you what’d be number one on the list of Stuff White People Hate, and that’d be being falsely accused of racism. Think moderate Democrats and Independents have been hard to sway to this point? Just wait until they figure out that Democrats think they’re racist AND stupid. The idea that the only reason a white person would vote against Sen. Obama (racism) is racist in and of itself. Apparently, to the Democrats, anyone who doesn’t vote for Sen. Obama is the second coming of Bull Connor.
Just in case the Democrats’ message people are reading this blog, here’s a list of a few of the reasons ‘Puter can’t bring himself to vote for Sen. Obama. Note that Sen. Obama’s half-blackness is not among them.
(1) Obama is friends with domestic terrorists, dedicated to destroying the United States.
(2) Obama’s tax policy is Marxist income redistribution, thinly veiled.
(3) Obama supports leaving babies to die, not merely abortion.
(4) Michelle Obama hates the United States
(5) Obama thinks the United States should negotiate with evil
(6) Obama lacks experience
Need ‘Puter go on? But, ‘Puter guesses that really, despite many legitimate reasons not to vote for Sen. Obama, ‘Puter is fooling himself. ‘Puter must just hate black people.
It couldn’t be that Sen. Obama is not a good candidate, and the Democrats bought into his cult of personality and are now having buyers’ remorse. Nah. Racism explains everything, and neatly fits the Democrat world view that whitey is racist.
To say that the current Democrat position belittles the tragedy of American racism and the bravery of those who fought against it (pictured) understates the matter significantly.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.