The lawnmower had it coming. And hey, my name is long, sure. And rhymes with an Umpty. But come on, know your Gormogon history! Who was the Œcumenical Volgi back in the day? That’s right, Confucius! And writing 孔夫子 is a whole lot more Œconomical than “Confucius” or “K’ung-fu-tzu*.” You can just call me ŒV, though, GorT. (GorT! Klaatu barada nikto! Which reminds me, how much is this gonna suck? I’m thinking “muchly.” I do like that inadvertent highlighting of Keanu’s wooden acting style, “Derrickson felt Reeves could portray a lack of humanity…”)

*Wade-Giles is the Official Chinese Transliteration System of the Gormogons.

Confucius, Œc. Vol.

Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu.