Let’s review a bit of history. Does anyone in the media recall what gave rise to the fiscal cliff? Anyone? Anyone at all? Apparently not.
Ah, the good old days when we pretended to spend only as much as we had.
Sure, sequestration just kicked the fiscal can down the road, but it was the best Congress and the President could do at the time, without sacrificing the world’s belief in America’s debt as the last safe place to store one’s wealth.
This approach also most closely aligns with the Republicans’ approach, which has reality on its side.
Here are some indisputable conclusions sane people can reach from the facts.*
‘Puter’s takeaway, after all the facts and figures, is simply this. If Americans can spend other people’s money without immediate personal consequence, they will do so regardless of longer term impact on self and country. ‘Puter fears that America hit the tipping point some time shortly after 2008, and that only a national economic meltdown on par with Greece will cause us to correct our course.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.