Wow. Go to Google news and check out how many stories there are about the “Vatileaks” scandal.

Vatileaks? What, Vatigate was taken? Is —leaks the new tag the media can use as a shorthand cliché for a person who releases confidential information? The Czar is so tired of the media.

Anyhow, if you are not a Catholic, you might not understand why this is so bad for the Church. And if you are a Catholic, you certainly do not understand why this is bad.

This is much ado about nada. Look at the headlines, screaming about how this reveals concealment! Corruption! Scandal! Outrage!

Let the Czar simplify the media’s message for you: THE CATHOLIC CHURCH IS BAD! VOTE OBAMAAAAA!

Regardless of your religious persuasion, you may not be aware that the Catholic Church is planning a major offensive in the next few days, basically rallying national support to defeat Obama in the Fall. Yes, the President’s asinine and contemptible middle finger to Catholics has drawn the ire of the last group powerful enough to take him on.

If Catholics do vote as a bloc—which they can and will do once every dozen years or more—the results will be disastrous for Obama. This is why the President has been sweet-talking them and hanging out with liberal Catholic groups. It is why pseudo-Catholics like Maureen Dowd and E.J. Dionne have been attempting to write screeds convincing real Catholics that liberalism is a better branch of Catholicism (feel free to use our search box above, and type in puter to see all of their handiwork destroyed).

Unfortunately, the Church is being pretty straight up with its membership: there are no liberal Catholics. There are only Catholics. And as such, the Church expects her members to defend her. Message ends.

What we have is without question is the Obama campaign’s War on Catholics. No, not fictitious go-for-brokes like the War on Women or the new War on Children: but a serious, organized attempt to disrupt and scatter Catholics. With Catholics splitting their votes, there is hope for an Obama re-election. With Catholics pissed off, as they seem to be, Obama would need the Jewish vote to win, and we already know how that’s going.

This is a serious miscalculation, and one which historians will necessarily debate long after 2016. The single mistake was trying to ramrod the HHS letter into action, and assuming that Catholics would pick Obama over God, the way the media have. Given that so many Catholics voted for him, he thought it was a cinch.

In fact, Obama thinks he understood Catholics perfectly well—although a photograph of the Obamas meeting with Pope Benedict XVI shows Michelle in a 1940s-style veil that women have not needed to wear in the Church in almost 50 years. Evidently, the Obamas watched old movies and cracked open a dusty textbook to learn a little about Catholics before representing Americans to the Pope.

The point is, Obama Knows Nothing about Catholics (see what we did there?), and instead of admitting he screwed the pooch over that HHS letter, he doubled down and assumed American Catholics would rebel to get, you know, Free Stuff. But they did rebel: against him. And rather than admit, again, his error (Catholics are forgiving, by and large), he had his cadre of media followers try to explain why abortion and birth control are good things for Catholics, and conservatives like Rick Santorum have no place in the Church.

Of course, this blew up in their faces; so now we are going to try hardball and expose the Church as a bunch of sinister old men who cannot be trusted—for the 100th time. But this is also failing, and there seems to be no nuclear option left. In fact, this probably was the nuclear option: how long has the media and Democratic party known about the Pope’s butler and had him queued up and ready to go?

Surely the Obama administration is not calling their strategy to disrupt, divide, and dismiss the Catholic vote a “War on Catholics.” But indeed the Church is treating it as such, and the Obama campaign may have royally annoyed a sleeping giant.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.