Morning With His Petulancy
The President walks into the White House kitchen early this morning. “I would like breakfast.”
“Yes, Mr, President. Our choices this morning are pancackes or eggs.”
The President tilts his chin upward. “I would like Belgian waffles.”
The cook nervously looks around. “Er, yes, Mr. President. But for that, I’d have to go down to storage, pull out the waffle maker, clean it, get some batter…”
“So the choice is really between Belgian waffles and total starvation. That’s what they teach in cooking school, these days, I guess. Starvation?”
The cook sighs. “Yes, Mr. President, I’ll go get the waffle maker.”
“Excellent. I knew we could compromise. Now, I would love to read the paper.”
A staffer comes forward. “Yes, sir. We have The Washington Post and the New York Times for you, as always.”
The President tilts his chin. “I want the LA Times.”
The staffer bites her lower lip. “Um, yes, Mr. President, but we don’t have that here. I would need to run to the newstand on 18th Street. In the rain.”
“Interesting. I ask for a little news, and you advocate ignorance. I see. So the choices we have are the LA Times or total ignorance. Great choices for the President of the United States.”
The staffer turns and goes to get her raincoat. Meantime, the First Lady enters the kitchen. “Barry, your blue pinstripe jacket still isn’t back from the cleaners.”
The President turns to her. “So I gather we have to choose between my blue jacket and total nudity?”
Mrs. Obama shakes her head and storms out. “Doesn’t work on me, big guy.”
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.