On occasion, ‘Puter reads something so chock full o’ nuts, he is astonished. This morning’s New York Times presents just such an occasion.

Timothy Egan manages to state with a straight face that the Millennial Generation, whose huge turnout helped propel President Obama to the White House, owe the President their undying love, adoration and support. This despite the Millennial’s dawning realization that maybe — just maybe — President Obama isn’t going to pay for their gas and their mortgage.

Millennials were born between 1977 and 1998. The oldest are now 33, and the youngest are 12. According to Mr. Egan, these whippersnappers, much like Obi-Wan, are our only hope. ‘Puter’s going to let Mr. Egan in on a little secret. Most Millennials are morons. Not because of a lack of education, mind you, but because of a lack of wisdom.

Younger folks just haven’t seen enough of life to be able to assess it well. For example, no Millennial had seen a national elections similar to 2008, where an exhausted electorate simply wanted to put the past behind it and elected a president who ran on a gospel of hope and change. The rest of had seen such an election: 1976. An electorate dispirited and disillusioned by Watergate and the Vietnam war elected the consummate outsider who represented change, one James Earl Carter. And we all know how well that turned out. ‘Puter doesn’t doubt for a minute Millennials’ good intentions, only their experience. Experience begets wisdom, and without wisdom, we end up repeating our mistakes.

Mr. Egan states that Millennials should bail President Obama out from his looming mid-term catastrophe. Why? Because Millennials more than the rest of us should resent: (1) the Afghanistan and Iraq Wars; (2) the Gulf Oil Spill; and (3) burgeoning deficits. If the Millennials don’t help out President Obama, then there will be: (1) no repeal of DADT; (2) no immigration reform; (3) no green economy; and (4) no hope. Millennials will also be complicit in the installation of the Tea Party oldsters, House Leader Boehner and Senate Leader McConnell. IT”S BUSHITLER ALLOVERAGIN OHNOES!!!!1!one!

Respectfully, Mr. Egan, your argument is dumber than snake mittens.

If any generation should be righteously irked with President Obama, it should be the Millennials. The President’s economic policies have assisted in achieving and maintaining the highest unemployment rate since 1983. Not incidentally, Millennials are disproportionately among the unemployed, and your pain increases based on the percentage of melanin in your skin. Additionally, Mr. Egan helpfully fails to mention that President Obama is the person who is most responsible for saddling the Millennials with the staggering out-year deficits, what with his “health care reform” and “cap ‘n’ trade” and “free gas and mortgages.” President Obama’s financial rescue plan seems to be the federal equivalent of dine and dash, with retirees eating like kings and Millennials being the suckers left with the check.

Mr. Egan, there’s plenty of blame to go around for the mess we’re currently in. But urging Millennials to vote for more cowbell is urging them to vote against their interest.

Millennials would do well to remember the old saying “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

* H/T Powerline, for the “more cowbell” poster.

** Look for the hidden bonus scripture quote.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.