It’s an open secret that Elena Kagan, high on President Obama’s list for a Supreme Court appointment, is a lesbian. When blogger Ben Domenech commented that Ms. Kagan would be the first openly gay Supreme Court Justice, the White House issued an immediate denial of Ms. Kagan’s lesbian status (Lesbianity? Lesbianess?). Ms. Kagan has not commented. This, of course, has resulted in a dust-up on teh intarwebs, but with curiously little interest on the part of the mainstream media.
Here’s ‘Puter’s take for what it’s worth. Ms. Kagan either is or is not gay. Ms. Kagan should have immediately issued a statement stating that she is, or is not a lesbian. Either answer would have been fine with ‘Puter, and neither would qualify (or disqualify) her from serving with distinction on the Supreme Court. Ms. Kagan’s defenders rightly point out that her abilities, not her sexuality, should be determinative of her fitness to serve.
However, where, as here, a person hides her alleged sexual preference in order to smooth her path, that itself is an issue as to her fitness. What else is Ms. Kagan hiding? What else is she willing to do to advance her career? How dependable, ethical or stable can a person be who denies a part of herself? Each of these questions is now fair game in her confirmation hearings. And Ms. Kagan has only herself, and her sellout of self, to blame.
To be clear, Ms. Kagan’s sexual preference is not disqualifying; her hiding her preference is. If you’re too ashamed/afraid of who you are or people’s reactions to who you are to stand up for yourself, how on earth are you ever going to be able to stand up for our Constitutional rights?
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.