‘Puter was watching Morning Joe on MSNBC this morning, mostly to watch a parade of dejected leftists attempt to minimize the extent of the whupping they took yesterday in Massachusetts. There is nothing quite so tasty as a well-balanced breakfast of schadenfreude washed down with copious amounts of haterade.
At the top of the 7:00 a.m. (eastern) hour, co-host Mika Brzezinski provided the perfect object lesson for explaining why liberals got their hats handed to them by regular old Americans yesterday. And, surprisingly, Ms. Brzezinski’s comments had nothing to do with Sen. Edward M. Kennedy’s successor Sen. Scott Brown’s (R-MA) (Mmmmmm! Schadenfreude!) stunning upset.
Ms. Brzezinski, in an offhand comment on Conan O’Brien receiving north of $30 million in severance, stated she thought that was too much money for one person, and that Mr. O’Brien should be forced to give $20 million or so to support the Haiti relief effort. In that one moment, ‘Puter realized Ms. Brzezinski had unwittingly demonstrated exactly why regular people don’t trust liberals.
See, Ms. Brzezinski believes that liberals know best how people should spend their money. Liberals are more than willing to redistribute your hard-earned dollars to a cause they find worthy, regardless of what you think. Conan O’Brien is only an entertainer, and not a very worthy one, so the thought pattern goes, so he doesn’t deserve this windfall. But you know who does? Haitians. So open your wallet so I can take your money and give it to other people.
Sound familiar? It should. It’s the individual mandate contained in the health care reform bill fiasco. We don’t care whether or not you want to buy health insurance. You’re going to do it anyway. And if you don’t, we’ll fine you. And it’s not a tax, even though the IRS is charged with enforcement. Stoopid truck driving tea baggers.
It’s this unthinking arrogance amply displayed by Ms. Brzezinski that was the primary cause of Sen. Brown’s (R-MA) (Mmmmmm! Schadenfreude!) upset. Americans hate pompous asses telling them how to run their lives, as Ms. Coakley found out last night.
So shut up, please, Ms. Brzezinski. And get the hell off ‘Puter’s lawn.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.