…the Gormogons gave to me:
We get a lot of mail here at the Castle. Each Gormogon deals with their fan (or hate) mail in their own unique way. Follow me here on the above reference to four bags of mail when there’s five main residents of the Castle. ‘Puter generally lets his mail pile up. We prod him over a few days and only when Sleestak can’t bring in his morning Jack n’ OJ wake up breakfast, does ‘Puter actually start to deal with his correspondence. After prying the bag away from the local Yetis who think it’s some sort of feed bag, the Volgi digests his mail over several hours, looking for hidden and ancient secret codes, dissecting the grammar and translating it into six different languages in the process.
The Mandarin has constructed an elaborate sorting machine (pictured left) for his mail. However, after it gets sorted, he generally just kicks the piles a bunch screaming at them. The lucky few get responses. The Czar ends up hatcheting the mailbag and after cahooting with Eugene over the mail and its relevance to the astrological sign “Leo”, he calms and usually gives a thoughtful response. Finally, GorT has no mail. Mailbags addressed to him are instantly digitized upon entry into the grounds of the castle. Dat Ho monitors the mail queue and when it starts to reach a critical level he signals GorT to take a break from time-traveling to write back.
So, if you get a chance, write in, let us know what you think. You may just see a response posted.
GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.