An attention-seeking New York trial court judge decided this week that the rule of law is for suckers. You know, like creditors seeking to recover obligations voluntarily entered into by borrowers.
So, let’s get this straight. Borrowers borrow money from bank, pledging their house as security for the loan. Borrowers default on the obligation. Bank sued to foreclose its mortgage pursuant to the terms of the voluntary, arms-length transaction between bank and borrowers. There is no dispute the debt has not been paid. There is no dispute that the mortgage is valid. A judge (probably citing the fact that mortgage foreclosure is an equitable proceeding) determined 200 some odd years of settled New York law should be ignored, because the bank is bad and mean and JUST DOESN’T UNDERSTAND AND THE BORROWERS ARE SICK AND ITS A RECESSION AND SUFFOLK COUNTY HAS BEEN SLAMMED AND ANYWAY THE BANK GOT BAILOUT MONEY AND IT’S ALL BUSH’S FAULT!!11!!1! ZOMG!11!
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.