The Czar and GorT make fair points. I expect no less from my Gormogon brothers.

However, prohibition of drugs of any sort has never worked in American society. Didn’t work with alcohol. Won’t work with tobacco. Isn’t working with marijuana and harder drugs. As with alcohol and tobacco, managed use works better. Not perfectly. Not even well. But better.

Prohibition caused a massive increase in crime in the United States. And, in a related note, Prohibition also begat the Kennedy family fortune, garnered through Joe Kennedy’s (alleged)bootlegging. Increased crime and the Kennedys? Thanks for the help, Prohibition!

Getting rid of tobacco through a diversionary scheme to tax it into oblivion? Not working. Raising taxes in an effort to stop smoking leads to increased crime, tax evasion and black markets.

And how’s the War on Drugs going? Not so well, according to several people who ought to know, namely, former presidents of Mexico, Colombia and Brazil. Large chunks of Colombia were in the hands of narco-terrorists (FARC) for years. DC was a shooting gallery during the Barry crack fueled years. Opium currently finances the Taliban’s terrorist operations. Northern Mexico is de facto ruled by murderous drug gangs.

Prohibiting drugs of any sort has caused an increase in crime associated with the drug prohibited, be it alcohol, tobacco, marijuana or any other illegal drug. Prohibiting the drug does not reduce the demand for it; it reduces the supply. And when the illegal drug is in short supply in relation to the demand, prices go up. Criminal organizations step in to meet the supply, reaping fantastic profits and using violence to protect their racket.

The Czar is correct that ‘Puter (in a very un-‘Puterlike manner) is proposing governmental regulation. However, the regulation ‘Puter proposes is far less invasive than the regulatory scheme the Czar implicitly tolerates. An outright ban on drugs with severe criminal penalties is a far harsher and more intrusive government regulation than ‘Puter’s eminently sensible proposal.

‘Puter, as always, is correct.

UPDATED: After this lovely story, ‘Puter declares his absolute support for a ban on fertility drugs.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.