Why are the Republicans even bothering to put up a fight on Judge Sotomayor’s confirmation? The Democrats have the votes not only to confirm Judge Sotomayor on a party line vote, but to also vote cloture on any threatened Republican filibuster (assuming Sens. Byrd and Kennedy are healthy enough to travel to Washington). Why not make Democrats own this fiasco?

Now, ‘Puter’s not advocating caving in. Why not simply have Sen. Sessions (ranking member) read a blistering statement after Judge Sotomayor’s introductory speech, then leave the hearing room with the Republican committee members and spend the rest of the day working the cameras with their talking points?

The press would have to cover the Republicans’ refusal to participate in confirming Judge Sotomayor, likely at the expense of covering the hearing itself. In so doing, the Republicans’ message would garner much more widespread attention. Republicans like Sen. Sessions and Rep. Kantor could spend all day in front of the cameras discussing Judge Sotomayor’s history as an unrepentantly liberal, race-conscious judge. Republicans could pound Judge Sotomoayor’s bogus newly claimed respect for the rule of law with her own speeches and writings. There is an opportunity to clearly contrast conservative judicial philosophy with liberal philosophy, such as it is.

Of course, this is ‘Puter being pie-in-the-sky. ‘Puter knows Washington will not change. Republicans and Democrats are both too wed to the status quo (and too enriched thereby) to ever consider changing it. And Senators like to see themselves on TV. Makes the constituents think they’re important and “doing something,” don’t you know.

The Republicans cannot stop Judge Sotomayor’s confirmation, but they don’t have to actively participate in seating a justice whose stated positions are antithetical to the rule of law.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.