When your Mandarin purchased his new palanquin to convey him to and from work, various speaking engagements, and secret Gormogons’ board meetings, he was offered a three-month free subscription to XM satellite radio. He stated that he would check it out, but that he would never pay for radio. Suffice it to say that after that three-month trial, and in true pusher-to-junkie fashion, your Mandarin was hooked and has been a faithful subscriber and listener ever since.

And it is regarding a matter of faith that your Mandarin feels the need to comment on an advertisement for a very curious show. The advertisement is for “The Jesus Christ Show” on XM 158 every Sunday morning. The premise of the show is that you call in with your question and an actor portraying Jesus answers it. The tag line of the advertisement is “talk to Jesus live every Sunday.” If this were a satire, it may be funny, but the show takes itself seriously.

Your Mandarin being the product of Catholic education – with some Jesuit influence in college – finds this whole premise to be questionable, if not a bit insulting. If this were a show that discussed scripture, or if the host responded to listeners’ questions by referencing what Jesus said in the New Testament that would be fine. But to have this premise that you are actually speaking to the Messiah himself – and before the Volgi strokes out, this is not a reference to President Obama – and to have the listener go along with this is disturbing. Now while your Mandarin assumes or at least hopes that the majority of listeners understand that they are not really speaking to Jesus, he is uneasy that some listeners may not be able to separate fiction from reality. It is difficult enough dealing with the Bible thumpers that will argue that the world is only 5,000 years old, or that creationism is a fact while evolution is only a “theory,” but now we have to deal with people that think that the Lord is speaking to them. We’ve come a long way from a burning bush to a burning radio.

In the spirit of full disclosure your Mandarin also has the same issue with people that go out as Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and Napoleon and take questions from the audience and answer them as if they were the actual person they are portraying. And if there is one thing that really irks the Gormogons it’s frauds going about giving stupid advice as if they were world leaders…because that is our job.

The Mandarin

The Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century.

The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or Barry (who can be found in the Bestiary). When not in the Castle…well, frankly, nobody is quite sure where he goes.

The Mandarin popularized the fine art of “gut booting,” by which he delivers a powerful kick to the stomach of anyone that annoys him. Although nearly universal today, the act of gut booting or threatening someone or something with a gut boot is solely due to him.