The New York Times editorial staff today put together this whopper.
Apparently, the real reason the economy’s in the crapper is because banks are requiring borrowers to pay their full debts, regardless of how underwater the loan is. That is, the NYT says banks should reduce the outstanding principal balance to not more than the current appraised value of the collateral for the loan.
‘Puter says B.S. Two parties, a bank and a borrower, entered into an arms’ length transaction. One party, the bank, takes the risk that the borrower will enter bankruptcy and discharge any unsecured portion of the debt. The other party, the borrower, takes the risk that the value of the collateral will fall, preventing him from selling the house for an amount sufficient to repay the debt.
The New York Times now seeks government intervention to shift all the risk onto the banks. According to the editorial, this is the magic bullet to get us out of the economic tailspin we’re in.
Except that when you shift the risk to the banks, you savage their balance sheets, thereby depressing stock prices. Maybe even to the point of requiring additional (socialist/statist) federal money to prop up the dead-man-walking banks. And screw the shareholders in the process.
This plan is redistibutionist. It is socialist. It ignores the rule of law. And it is another nail in the coffin of American capitalism.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.