As St. Paul so aptly wrote in Romans 6:23.
Today, Mr. Bernard Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison for swindling folks out of their life savings. Whether the money came from the rich, the poor, Blacks, Whites, union workers, or white collar administrators. None of that mattered to Mr. Madoff. Mr. Madoff cared solely about feeding his insatiable greed, a deadly sin.
The United States District Court’s sentencing is an effective death warrant for Mr. Madoff, currently 71 years old. And a potent warning for each of us not to give in to our darker side, for the wages of sin is death.
*’Puter could, and should, write a post concerning the greed of many of Mr. Madoff’s victims. The victims’ greed blinded them to a deal on its face “too good to be true.”
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.