Billy Mays, We Hardly Knew Ye [updated]
The Czar offers to put NBC News up against his special photography wall, for their decisionin lieu of any evidence or autopsy findingsthat Billy Mays clearly died as a result of luggage hitting him in the head on a botched landing in Florida. This includes bringing an unspecified doctor on the show to demonstrate on a plastic brain how the luggage killed him exactly like Natasha Richardson died (the Czar recalls her circumstances being utterly different), and how air travellers might protect themselves from a similar fate.
The Czar taps his fingers, waiting for the news that the late Mr. Mays died of something totally unrelated to the US Air landing in Florida. Tap, tap, tap.
Update: Looks like the Czar knows something. Heart failure, no link to the head bump. NBC News, could you line up along that bullet-ridden wall for a brief photo?
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.