Magnus Linklater (member of The Gormogons’ All Name Team) writing in The Times (of London) today states the inconvenient truth behind England’s current educational philosophy, which truth is equally applicable on this side of the Atlantic.
Mr. Linklater notes that not all students are capable of learning at a high level. He further utters the heresy that for the lower achievers, it may be better to track them into vocational education where they can learn a respectable and profitable trade. Mr. Linklater then touches the third rail of education by noting that pouring untold sums of money into the schools has not meaningfully improved results. Here’s a pithy synopsis of Mr. Linklater’s point:
Our education systems fail too many children, and that must be because they do not address the needs of students whose abilities to learn are far from uniform, who progress at different rates, and who may, ultimately, not respond to conventional academic disciplines.
Well said, sir. Would you please have your syndicate start publishing your work in the U.S.?
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.