This whole Roland Burris as President Elect Obama’s successor in the Senate is pathetic on a most basic level when you think about it.
Leaving aside the Gov. Blagojevic angle, and the President Elect Obama angle, we’re left with a small man living out a delusional fantasy.
What does it say about one’s maturity, judgment and wisdom when one accepts appointment to the Senate from a governor who is on the take? How can the citizens of Illinois (much less your fellow Senators) take seriously your credentials when you choose to sully your honor by associating with a felon-in-waiting? Mr. Burris’ appointment was tainted and controversial from the outset, yet he permitted himself to be used in Gov. Blagojevic’ racist thumb-in-the-eye to his fellow Democrats. If even the Jackson Family (the politicians, not the musicians (though both are equally creepy)) ran screaming from Gov. Blagojevic, what is one to make of Mr. Burris’ judgment?
A man who puts his own interest ahead of his constituents’ is not a man who should be in the Senate, regardless of circumstance. Mr. Burris has shown himself to be wanting.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.