‘Puter’s fairly certain that the House’s passed stimulus package is going to harm more than help, for any number of reasons, not least of which is that Republicans have thus far, to a man (person, if you must), refused to support it.

‘Puter’s not an economist, but does have some common sense. If spending borrowed dollars is what got us all into this mess, then spending borrowed dollars on an even bigger scale seems more likely than not to multiply our difficulties.

The Democrats claim that about one-third of the package is tax relief, but it’s really just more thinly disguised welfare spending. The increase to the EITC gives people who pay no income tax more income tax dollars. The $500/$1,000 “rebates” are going to everyone, regardless of taxes paid. How is giving money from people who pay taxes to those who pay nothing supposed to stimulate spending by those that actually have money? It certainly makes ‘Puter think the government’s finally gone around the bend for good. If you want people, including particularly the working poor, to get money quickly, cancel the social security and Medicare taxes. Everybody gets more money, right away, and the government doesn’t have to do much of anything.

And the spending portion of the bill is not even that great. Much of the outlays are for education, unemployment, government-paid health care and the like. None of this stimulates makers. It’s direct payment to takers. This sort of spending is appropriate in an omnibus appropriations bill (assuming you are of a liberal Democrat bet), but it is exactly wrong if your intent is to stimulate the economy. None of the recipients of these funds have a positive, direct impact on the economy.

And the infrastructure spending portion is too slow to roll out, even though our infrastructure clearly needs work.

Here’s hoping between now and the time the Senate gets done with this monster spending bill, it gets significantly better.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.