Woodie Guthrie, Where Are You?

Unions. Gotta love them. Down is up and up is down to these folks. In ChicagObama, Republic Windows and Doors shut down its factory after its lender Bank of America refused to make further disbursements on Republic’s operating line of credit. Republic’s monthly sales have tanked from $4 million to $2.9 million. Faced with the lack of operating funds, Republic closed its doors.

Now the plant workers’ union, United Electrical Workers, has occupied the building, claiming they are owed pay and vacation, and that somehow this is Bank of America’s fault for being forced to take place in the financial sector bailout. “‘We’re going to stay her until we win justice,” said Blanca Funes, 55, of Chicag[Obama], after occupying the building for several hours.” Ms. Funes does not speak English the report goes on to note.

Interestingly, the report, after quoting an AFSCME representative extolling the rich Chicago labor movement history, mentions in passing the Haymarket Riot where union folks just happened to toss a pipe bomb into a crowd of policemen sparking a riot that ultimately delayed acceptance of the standard eight hour work day.

Will someone please explain to ‘Puter what the heck is “just” about a union taking over private property and demanding Bank of America (with whom they have no relationship) continue to fund a failed business, just so they can keep their jobs producing unprofitable goods? Has Ms. Funes been listening to the Big Three’s testimony before the House and Senate this week? On Univision of course. If this is Big Labor’s position, and if this position is accepted by the Obama Administration, then we are in for a very long recession indeed.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.