The United Auto Workers reached a new low today. After scotching the Big 3 Bailout, Mr. Gettelfinger, mustachioed union flack, turned around and blamed Republican senators. After all, Republicans must be at fault, because they insisted that UAW members share some of the hardship required to turn their failing(ed?) companies around in exchange for a bailout. Perhaps Mr. Gettelfinger should talk with Mr. Urbanski, the head of an Upstate teachers’ union, who is rumored to have said, “If we kill the cow, no one gets any milk.”
Mind you, Republicans only asked the UAW to concede to take wages similar to those earned by their non-union counterparts at successful auto manufacturers in America, such as Toyota. No way, no how, no deal.
In a just world, for its stunning arrogance, the UAW and all its workers would be out of a job because of their shortsighted refusal to compromise, replaced by workers happy to take their jobs at the required wage concession, and the turned-around auto companies would thrive, building cars Americans actually wanted, and not the CAFE-stunted Demo-buggies the greenies want. ‘Puter loves hisself the run on sentence.
In all likelihood, because unions have bought and paid for the Democrat party, the Big 3 will get their taxpayer funded bailout, the UAW will make no meaningful concessions whatsoever, Congress will continue to pretend the American automobile manufacturing business model is worth saving, the Big 3 will churn out bad cars and we’ll all meet back in Washington in March, when the money runs out again.
‘Puter’s vain hope is that the good to come from this economic crisis will be the death of this iteration of union, in both the public and the private sector.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.