Put Up or Shut Up
The District of Columbia Public Schools are, for the most part, a horror show, damaged by years of incompetent management and corrupt unionism. Into this toxic brew throw students “raised” by single mothers or grandmothers living in poverty. What do you get? A national embarrassment existing in full view of Congress, which is ultimately responsible for all governance within the District of Columbia.
President Elect Obama was carried to victory in part on the aggressive support of public sector labor unions, particularly teachers’ labor unions, which are a major contributor to the disaster that is the District of Columbia Public Schools.
‘Puter challenges President Elect Obama to send his two daughters to the D.C. Public Schools. His daughters would attend Stevens Elementary School, then Francis Junior High School, then Woodrow Wilson Senior High School (should President Elect Obama be reelected in 2012).
If public education as devised by unions and educrats is supported by President Elect Obama, he should put his daughters in the hands of the D.C. Public Schools. If President Elect Obama does not send his daughters to the D.C. Public Schools, he sends a clear message by his omission: D.C. Public Schools are good enough for the poor (and to enrich my union supporters), but they are not good enough for me and my family.
Wait for the hypocrisy. ‘Puter bets the Obama children will go to Sidwell Friends (mascot: Quaker Oatmeal Guy)(tuition $28,442) or to Beauvoir: The National Cathedral Elementary School (motto: A French name makes us better than you)(tuition, $25,970, but that includes lunch). The decision will be couched in terms of the children’s safety. As with everything education related, the minute you hear “it’s for the children” you know it’s a lie.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.