Gays Feel Taxpayers’ Pain
Homosexual marriage proponents in California are outraged at the success of Proposition 8 (banning gay marriage), and some of them are behaving very badly. Nothing like convincing black voters of the error of their ways by dropping the N-word on them. ‘Puter’s certain such a well presented argument will convince even the most adamantly opposed black person of the rightness of your position.
‘Puter notes that the gay community is outraged that an electoral majority is imposing its will on a minority, and limiting what the gay community believes is its right to marry whomever they please.
‘Puter awaits this very liberal constituency’s outrage at ‘Puter’s complaint that an electoral majority of people who contribute little if any revenue to the government vote to enrich themselves through government redistribution of ‘Puter and the rest of this taxpaying minority’s money.
Didn’t think so.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.