Poor D.C. Public Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Ms. Rhee inheirited a corrupt and failed public school system. Ms. Rhee, with admirable assistance from D.C Mayor Fenty, have tried to untangle the mess years of purposeful neglect and outright theft, alongside societal degradation, have created.

Ms. Rhee visited a classroom, and did not like the job the teacher was doing. Fred Hiatt of WaPo tells the story this way:

A principal recently was defending a teacher whom D.C. Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee had observed in the classroom and found wanting.[*]

“Would you put your grandchild in that class?” Rhee asked the principal.

“If that’s the standard, we don’t have any effective teachers in my school,” the principal replied.

Recalling that comment a few days later, Rhee is still steaming. “I said, ‘That is the standard,’ ” Rhee says, and you think: Whew, glad I’m not that principal.

This is emblematic of the entrenched mindset of failure in the D.C. Public Schools. ‘Puter would have fired this principal on the spot, either for lying about the teacher’s competence, or being stupid enough to tell the Chancellor she doens’t really care about her charges.

On a further note, Ms. Rhee is headed for a showdown with the teachers’ union in her current contract negotiations. This is the same teachers’ union that routinely diverted dues to $150,000 Neiman Marcus shopping sprees and expensive Caribbean vacations, along with other obvious education-related expenditures. Ms. Rhee has offered generous raises for all, and extraordinary raises for some who accept merit pay based on student score improvement. No teacher could be forced to participate in the program. The union, at the insistence of it national, refuses to even put the issue to a vote.

Maybe P.E. Obama can do some good for the children his children left behind in the D.C. Public Schools. He could insist that the union at least put the contract to a vote. It’s for the the children, after all. And the D.C Public Schools could certainly use some hope and change.

* ‘Puter likes Mr. Hiatt’s biblical get, if it was intentional. ‘Puter believes that this phraseology is a direct reference to Daniel 5:27: “Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.”

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.