Why The New York Times is Dying
The New York Times has issued a diktat that it’s OK for Mayor Bloomberg and the City Council to subvert the will of the people, as expressed through the public’s voting twice to uphold term limits. Apparently, New York City needs a benevolent dictator (with whose policies the NYT agrees, of course) to ease it through this time of economic challenge.
This is the same NYT that was apoplectic at the mere suggestion that maybe Mayor Giuliani should get to run for a third term in the immediate aftermath of the deadliest attack on American soil. Its reporters noted in 2001 that such an abolition of term limits would require the approval of the state Legislature, not the City Council.
What’s the difference? The NYT was a fierce critic of Mayor Giuliani’s policies (which, incidentally, rescued NYC from its death spiral), whereas it can’t stop heaping praise on Mayor Bloomberg’s nanny statism. Let’s stop pretending that the NYT is anything other than an outspoken mouthpiece for whatever today’s liberal line is, regardless of consistency or accuracy.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.