NYT to Upstate: Screw You
Our liberal betters at the New York Times editorial board have spoken! So let it be written, so let it be done!
The NYT now says that Upstate should not use any of its newly accessible (because of better technology) natural gas (value estimated at $1 trillion), because such use may in some unknown way impact the quality of NYC’s water supply. So, there’s no need to even consider the new job creation in a lagging region of the state, new tax revenues, increased energy availability, wishes of the people it will impact, etc. All the NYT editorial board needs to know is that there may be some impact of some sort on their personal lives, and that their opinion trumps any other stated benefit.
To be fair, it’s not just the NYT that’s against sane energy policy. Locals are jackasses, too. Westchesterians have been trying to get Indian Point, the local nuclear power plant closed down for years. Also, locals have fought tooth and nail to prevent the building of a critically needed electricity transmission line, which would be used to wheel power to NYC.
Where is the required power to manage a growing population and economy in New York going to come from? If you ask these New Yorkers, it’s clear they simply don’t want to think about it. It’s exactly this kind of foresight and deep thinking that’s led New York to its current sorry state of affairs.
It’s NIMBYism plain and simple, and it’s a load of horse hockey no matter who’s peddling it, be it the NYT, shortsighted neighbors or the New York state government.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.