Meet Sheldon Silver (D-Manhattan), the majority leader of the New York State Assembly. Silver invited his minions to a victory party to celebrate his win over an upstart primary challenger. Par for the course, ‘Puter, you say. Nothing to see here, just move along ‘Puter, you add. Ah, but wait for it.
See, in New York, we haven’t even had the primary election yet. Polls open at noon today. Even better, Silver’s having his celebration at the United Federation of Teachers’ headquarters. ‘Puter’s certain there’s no quid pro quo going on here.
As the New York Post notes, it’s extremely unlikely that Silver will feel obligated to wrest control of the NYC schools from the mayor (who has improved the system markedly) and reinstall control in a local board again for the UFT, who bankrolls most of the Democrat candidates in the state. The last time a board ran the NYC schools, it failed miserably at improving anything in the schools except teacher pay and benefits.
So, look for arrogant Silver to add to New York’s dysfunction and tell NYC’s kids to go to hell, he’s too busy lining his, and the teachers’, pockets.
Why ‘Puter remains in New York, he’ll never know.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.