George Will’s column today offers some fascinating statistics giving lie to the Democrats’ contention that Big Oil is sticking it to the Little Guy. Will writes:

Obama thinks government is not getting a “reasonable share” of oil companies’ profits, which in 2007 were, as a percentage of revenues (8.3 percent), below those of US manufacturing generally (8.9 percent). Exxon Mobil pays almost as much in corporate taxes to various governments as the bottom 50 percent of American earners pay in income taxes. Exxon Mobil does make $1,400 a second in profits – hear the sharp intakes of breath from liberals with pursed lips – but pays $4,000 a second in taxes and $15,000 a second in operating costs.

What’s the takeaway here, ‘Puter? Well, here goes. ExxonMobil pays more taxes each year than everyone in the United States making $32,000 or less pays in federal income tax. The oil industry’s per dollar profits are less than half the profits of the pharmaceutical/biotech and banking industries. Even food service and telecom have a higher profit margin. ExxonMobil makes so much money because it invests and spends so much money.

Based on Will’s column, ExxonMobil spends 10 times as much on operating costs than it makes in profit. It pays over 2.5 times more in taxes than it makes in profits.

What does ExxonMobil spend its money on? Well, how about salaries, for a start? ExxonMobil employs nearly 81,000 people world wide, including 30,000 folks right here at home. Some are management, some engineers, some blue collar folks. All make a decent living. Those here feed, shelter and clothe their families with their hard-earned ExxonMobil paychecks. And they pay taxes. A cap on earnings would cause any reasonable company to look to conserve funds, generally resulting in hiring freezes or layoffs.

Liberals want to take money from ExxonMobil and redistribute it to the poor. In reality, they’ll be taking money out of the pockets of ExxonMobil’s employees and shareholders to fund their Marxist income redistribution schemes. And who owns ExxonMobil stock? Many mutual funds and state pension plans, that’s who. Enjoy your dwindling retirement savings, America, courtesy of the liberal Democrats.

So, next time wild-eyed liberals start spouting about Big Oil and its windfall profits, set them straight. Facts have an annoying way of silencing the foolish.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.