‘Puter read with amazement and contempt today’s lead editorial from our intellectual betters at the New York Times. Titled When New York City Police Walk Off the Job, the editors explain why hating police officers is a just and rational vocation for social justice warriors everywhere.

In fairness, ‘Puter agrees with the editorial’s stated premise, that NYPD members have essentially stopped doing their jobs, a point ‘Puter raised repeatedly on Twitter yesterday. To show displeasure with execrable Mayor Bill de Blasio, NYPD members have ceased policing petty crime, parking violations and drug laws. This behavior is immoral, unethical and dangerous.

Should NYPD members not care about their oath to protect and to serve the citizens of the City of New York, ‘Puter will provide a more concrete reason the unionistas should care. Ceasing work functions is a covert strike. Police officers (and most public employees) are forbidden to strike by New York’s 1967 (damned hippies) Taylor Law. In exchange for the right to unionize, public employees gave up their right to strike. If employees do strike, they lose two days of pay for each day they strike.*

Were ‘Puter in Mayor de Blasio’s shoes,** ‘Puter would state he’s not going to stand idly by while the NYPD’s union endangers the citizens of New York and its tourism industry. ‘Puter would kindly tell the union heads if their members don’t get back to work post haste, ‘Puter’s considering it a strike, docking all workers two days’ pay for each day of work slowdown, and will fire each and every cop from highest ranking to lowest beat cop and replace them with National Guard troops if necessary.

‘Puter hates him some unions, especially public sector unions, because taxpayers cannot take their business elsewhere, short of packing up and moving.

‘Puter figured he’d break up his semi-rant into two sections, one in which ‘Puter kind-of-sort-of agrees with the New York Times editors and one in which he excoriates the New York Times editors for being intellectual short bus kids who also happen to be pathological liars.

Part II will follow sometime today.

* Before you get your liberal panties in a wad bemoaning the harsh government taskmasters sticking it to Joe Workingclass, shut up. New York also has the craptastic Triborough Amendment of 1982, which modifies the Taylor Law. The Triborough Amendment provides that if a public union’s contract expires and no new agreement is reached, all the terms of the expired contract remain in effect until a new contract is reached. So, public employees can’t strike, but they still get paid and get raises and step pay increases in accordance with their last contract. If the last contract is better than a municipality or the state can currently afford, public workers simply don’t negotiate and unjustly reap overly generous and unaffordable salaries. Nice work if you can get it.

** ‘Puter would never be in Mayor de Blasio’s shoes. First, ‘Puter’s too conservative, speaks harsh truths and won’t kowtow to public sector unions, race hucksters and social justice warriors, so he’s unelectable in New York City. Second, ‘Puter’s not a currently pot smoking, semi-retarded guy with a photogenic mixed race family, so he’s out on that score, too. Hell, ‘Puter’s not even sure Mayor de Blasio wears shoes. Mayor de Blasio probably wears those hippie sandals or maybe Ugg boots like the emasculated beta male he is.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.