The Only Spider-Man Review You Need To Read
Let us answer your critical questions on the new Spider-Man movie.
Q. My husband wants to buy a llama for the home. Can this movie help us determine whether this is a good idea?
A. This movie makes it quite clear that a llama is okay if you have a large, highly-fenced yard and intend to sell the wool, but as a small, indoor pet, a llama is a bad choice.
Q. Spider-Man was always a colorful character, whereas this movie seems shot in dark hues. Is it a noir-type of film?
Q. Unlike that new Judi Dench movie, yes, this movie explores some darker themes.
Q. The director seems to be taking a newer storyline that older fans of Spider-Man may not recognize.
A. That isn’t a question.
Q. I have two children, ages 87 years and 6 months. What do you think?
A. The Czar thinks you waited a while before having that second kid, is what the Czar thinks.
Q. Why isn’t the Avengers in this movie?
A. First, it’s “Avengers are.” second, as comic-heads like Dr. J. will explain, Spider-Man sometimes encountered the Avengers but preferred to work alone, although apparently he did briefly join them. Third, and the most important reason, is that the Avengers are not Sony products the way Spider-Man is.
Q. How does this movie differ from the 2002 Spider-Man?
A. We have no idea. The Czar hasn’t seen this new movie yet.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.