We don’t thank you people enough for stopping by…we would say if we weren’t a manipulative, conspiratorial cabal secretly running the world. Were we to thank the top towns in our top countries, it would—theoretically—go something like this.

Thanks!

Thank you, New York, Washington, Nashville, Chicago, Dallas, Houston, Denver, Columbia, S.C., and Muncie and Greenfield, Ind.

Thanks, Branford, Ottawa, Toronto, and London, Ont.

Cám ơn, Hà Nội!

Tack Gävle, Herljunga och Kalmar!

Tack, Åland! Kiitos paljon, Kuopio, Helsinki ja Oulu!

Sta na shukria, Kabul!

Grazie (at ringrèzi!), Cotingnola e Ravenna!

Danke, Ramstein, Chemnitz, Düsseldorf und Hamburg!

Obrigado, Pelotas e São Paulo!

Now get back to work. Your orders are, of course, encoded in the above “thanks.” If you’ve lost your one-time pads, let’s just say don’t bother making dinner reservations for next month.

Confucius, Œc. Vol.

Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu.