Lay Off the HaterAde!

JAB uppercuts this one:

Your Czarness,

Lay off the HaterAde!

There are doubtless many reasons that we should model our lives on the Amish. You’ll never see an Amish woman subjugating herself to some slutty, sexist dress-code enforced on her by a society that treats her as a MERE sex-object. And they got that “Live Simply” thing really goin’ on! Home-births for everyone, I say.

Besides, with a carbon-footprint of near-zero, they could teach Al Gore a thing or two!

Well, the Czar assumes JAB is expressing satire here, but let us assume she is not. The arguments posited above are not very different from those we can find in a variety of places.

As far as Amish women, the Czar goes with what he calls the D’Souza test. Can a free, liberated, modern woman dress like an Amish woman and get away with it? Of course she can! But can an Amish woman dress like a free, liberated, modern woman and get away with it? No. She cannot. She is, therefore, quite like Muslim women who pretend they enjoy expressing their faith with various head coverings, but quickly remove them when men are not present. Guess why.

And the Amish have a carbon footprint that is actually pretty big, given their dependency on lumber, cow pastures, and telecommunications-based sales.

About The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia by upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.