The Czar defines “social justice” (a term being used like a weapon all around academia these days) as getting something that belongs to someone else.

All right, here is a poser. You are the director of Chicago State University’s financial aid program, and you’re taking a walk through some of the innermost areas of the univeristy when you come across a 400-pound bronze scuplture of an African slave in some nameless storage room. You realize this sculpture is really beautiful, with striking lines and a slightly larger-than-life size. What a shame that such a noble piece of artwork is stuck back here with broken furniture and boxes, rather than be in a place where everyone can admire it!

Do you: (a) Ask the facilities director why the statue was in storage, rather than on display, and start a student petition to find a home for it somewhere prominent where the public can admire it? Or (b) sneak it out of the storage room, transport it across the city, and give it to your girlfriend, Illinois State Representative Monique Davis (D-Chicago, unsurprisingly)?

Evidently, Arnold Jordan chose the latter. After all, no one knew or even cared about the statue, so what the hell, right? Except CSU auditors did know about the $25,000 statue, and they discovered it missing in less than two months. And then it became clear that the statue was now on display in Rep. Davis’ office, renamed Defiance, and described glowingly as her own personal Statue of Liberty.

CSU president Wayne Watson believes differently; he thinks that Arnold Jordan knew about the statue because he purchased it for the school out of state grants he helped secure. He knew it was in storage, as did everyone else, and knew that the school was still working out what to do with it. Yes, it used to be on display outside the president’s office, but was temporarily moved to storage. Why? Arnold Jordan has an intriguing possibility: racism.

You read that right. Watson, who is black, took a statue at a largely black state university, and temporarily located in storage because, evidently to Jordan, Watson and the school are a bunch of racists. Jordan then claimed he took the statue with full permission of the school (thereby confirming he knew it was school property).

The school disputes this, saying they would not have then reacted as if it had been stolen. Jordan said that since the statue was paid for by state funds, Rep. Davis (his girlfriend, don’t forget) has just as much right to have it in her office as the university.

Rep. Davis admitted that she probably should not have accepted the statue, and concedes it should be returned to its rightful owner. The university agrees, and wants to know why the hell is it still sitting in her office half a year later. Davis said she is not entirely sure it belongs to the school, despite the clear evidence admitted by her boyfiend that he helped obtain it for the school, so she will happily return it as soon as we figure out this complex issue. Defiance, indeed.

Actually, it seems to the Czar, this issue is a bit simpler. Posit: Jordan knew the statue was in storage, knew the school was still considering what to do with it, and then stole it, gave it to his sweetie pie, and hoped no one would catch it. And when they did, which was inevitable, he would play the race card so that she could keep it.

Davis, in turn, should be highly suspicious when her boytoy suddenly produces a $25,000, 400-pound bronze statue as a gift. Most guys just give nice earrings, not industrial weight scuplture. She should also know that while she is a state representative, and that she receives pay from state treasuries, that does not qualify her as a state property than can receive and display assets paid with state funds on her own property.

Simple solution? Davis pays, with her own funds, to have the sculpture carefully returned to the university, and her boyfriend goes before a judge to answer charges of felony theft. Because that is how social justice should work.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.