Maryland comprises a small portion of the Greater D.C. Metroplex, and yet is responsible for a surprising amount of the area’s political stupidity, which is really saying something, as the fine political sages running the District of Columbia are among Maryland’s competition.

Maryland citizens’ political betters in Annapolis are baffled by the following series of events, as noted by the Wall Street Journal.

First, Maryland’s getting a little short on cash, having dumped taxpayer funds into such revenue generating enterprises as supporting CASA, a private charity involved setting up illegal alien employment centers. (At least some folks seem to be opposed to CASA’s vision statement advocating “strong, economically and ethnically diverse communities in which all people – especially women, low-income people, and workers – can participate and benefit fully, regardless of their immigration status.” There’s so much wrong in all of this that it’s difficult to know where to begin).

Second, in order to offset this shortfall in revenue, Maryland decided to double its cigarette tax from $1.00 to $2.00 per pack and watch the revenue pour in. (Note also that Maryland raised taxes on lots and lots of other items and activities at the same time, to which GorT can surely attest).

Third, as noted in the WSJ linked article, the anticipated revenue tsunami has not materialized.

Fourth, Maryland pols are baffled at the idea that if you raise taxes on an item, people will use less of it, resulting in lower revenues. See generally, price elasticity. And, not coincidentally, widespread tax avoidance flows from poorly contemplated cigarette taxing decisions (buying out of state, from Indian reservations, or from criminal enterprises).

Lacking its planned revenue tsunami, Maryland’s Elected Betters undoubtedly will now dream up a new revenue stream (read tax increase) to extract additional money from the suckers — er, taxpayers — continuing to live in the Old Line State. Enjoy, Free Staters.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.