In case you missed it, the traditional presidential candidate roast was held yesterday. The Czar would tell you all about the Smith Foundation and its goals, but you basically want to get to the good stuff. Anyway, you can look all that up yourself. What you do get from us are links to the videos.

First up is President Obama discussing himself and Mitt Romney. Some very good lines (believed to have been written by Jay Leno). If only the real Barack Obama was this self-deprecating, we would have a very different presidency. (9:32 long)

Okay, the opening gag was lame, but the second one was very good and generally kept getting better.

Next up was the amazingly engaging Mitt Romney, who seems to have quite a flair for upbeat delivery. (10:10 long, and rumors abound this was written by Dennis Miller)

Overall, these were very good jabs at Barack Obama, and Mitt takes some fun potshots at himself. Overall, it is difficult to imagine either candidate taking real offense to either of these, so nice work.

Oh yes, all safe for viewing at work.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.