Another Foreign Policy Miracle!

Yay, Iraq! Congratulations on your miraculous post-November success!So tonight, ABC World News’ Charlie Gibson tells the Czar to watch how Iraq is a totally different country. Museums are open, women are wearing the latest fashions, and something like 84% of Iraqis now feel safe to walk their respecitve cities. The Czar dislikes watching videos on the web, and if you do as well, you can read this link instead.

Superb quote: “64 percent of Iraqis now say democracy is the best system of government, turning away from previous preferences for strongman rule or an Islamic state.”

Yikes, that’s excellent news. And the Czar is geniunely happy for the people of Iraq, and hopes that the 64 percent soon swells to 80 percent, which is way more than the Czar expects of Americans, unfortunately. Nice job, team! That piece of good news comes on the heels of this December, 2008, story that also indicates significant optimistic factors for Iraq.

“Hey Czar,” you are all thinking simultaneously (thanks to the mind control rays), “what’s up with all the ABC World News quotes? Why are you spending so much time there?”

Because, gentle readers, ABC World News believes that the success in Iraq is “questionable, ” is “open to debate,” and “will color everything” any future president does.

Or, that’s what they said as recently as November 5, 2008. Heck, the whole WMD myth is regurgitated in part, except author Martha Raddatz used the more military-friendly NBC in lieu of WMD, but no matter.

For that matter, the Iraq strategy has lost its “gleam”, with a mounting American death toll, a failing cease fire, and significant political turmoil.

Heck, you would be nuts to walk the streets there.

Why the 180° turnaround? Take a look at the dates the reports were filed. News filed prior to the election—you know, when Republicans were in power and there was a theoretical chance of the GOP holding onto the Presidency—stresses how bad, how truly awful the Republican-led invasion of Iraq is. News in 2009, although POTUS Obama has only announced a removal of forces from Iraq, is glowing and positive. With Barack Obama in charge, things are only wonderful in a place that was, for Raddatz, a complete disaster the day before he was elected. Too bad her filing registered on the Fifth of November, rather than the Fourth. She might have been able to throw a few more votes his way.

The Czar is eager for POTUS Obama to visit Iraq again soon, where he can transform water into wine, or at the very least drive a legion of demons into some pigs or something.

The Czar anticipates that one day soon, he will need to explain to the curious why ABC News, a division of Disney, must not tolerate positive Republican or conservative views except in passing.

About The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia by upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.